I ask Google all the questions I’m too embarrassed to ask other people. Google has officially played more of a role in my sex education than my school teachers, my parents, and my first three girlfriends combined.  I find that extremely frightening, because it’s not what you’d call “the normals” who write in-depth articles on exotically named sex positions. 

Remember, nothing reveals more about your emotional stability than your feelings about your ex …

even if that bitch does deserve to get stabbed in the face.

At thirty, I still love to build forts in my living room.  At this point in my life, I’m no longer certain whether this is youthful exuberance or honest-to-god mental illness.  Luckily, I’m sure that the men in white lab coats will never penetrate my deviously elaborate couch-cushion lair.